Spiritual Reflection 1

First, I want to apologize because the post I just did has a lot of cursing and sexual references in it, and being that it is Communion Sunday (for my religion), I feel that I probably should have waited one more day to post it. But again, this blog is not about having regrets, it's about being who I am, and not caring what anyone else thinks. However, if i did offend anyone so far, I apologize for offending you, not for hat I've said.

On another note, as apart of my plan to make drastic changes in my life, my connection with God is included in that. I feel as though I have strayed away from Him for far too long, and I need to make my way back to Him, before my life becomes more of a mess than it already is. I know I'm not perfect, no one on this earth is perfect. But I do want to be the best mother, friend, daughter, and child of God that I can be. So, each Sunday, I will be doing a "spiritual reflection" where I face a challenge that I have that I feel can be changed with a stronger connection with God.

Today, I want to talk about a challenge that I have been dealing with for a long time now. I've been dishonoring my body off and on for about a year now. I have literally given myself over to different men, because at a point in my life, I felt that was the only way i could keep a man in my life. I was so desperate for love and compassion and feeling wanted, that I lost sight of my standards and stooped down to a level I would never want my daughter to go to. Looking back now, I see a girl with so many insecurities that she could not handle alone. I see a girl so desperate for the love that her father never really showed her that she looked for it in other men. I have never claimed to be an angel or a saint. But I feel like it's time to make a change. God has been showing me the signs that I need to come back to the church, that I need to get my life back in order. And today, I'm going back to the church. It's been several months since I have gone, but it's time for me to come back to Him and give myself to the ones who truly deserve it, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. It's time to let Him help me with my insecurities and to find the inner peace and sanity that I have longed to have for almost 8 years now. I'm not saying everyone walk the Christian walk with me. I'm not trying to convert anyone at all. I'm speaking my testimony today. And I will continue to do so for as long as I can.

My confession: I have had multiple sex partners, and though I used protection, I still was promiscuous.

My goal: To realize that I am more than my body, but that I am a beautiful child of God with a beautiful soul.